Heavy metal

Verse 1 (dry, tired clean) I deleted your number three weeks ago. Still know it by heart. That's what pisses me off. Not because it hurts. Because it's stupid. I'm like a phone with no battery left — but I'm too lazy to throw it out. You didn't call. I didn't call. Fair fucking tie. Pre-chorus (clean, flat, but building tension underneath) One time I got drunk and scrolled through our messages. Read everything from the start. You know what I felt? Nothing. Some strangers texting each other some bullshit. And one of them is me. And I don't give a shit about either of them. Chorus 1 (clean, low, heavy — but ends with a scream) I'm not waiting for you. I don't even remember anymore. Sometimes I just stare out the window and realize — (builds) I DON'T GIVE A FUCK!!! Not about you. About EVERYTHING. About not sleeping. About forgetting to eat. You've got nothing to do with it. You were just the last one. And now there's no one. (dropping back to clean whisper) And it's not a tragedy. It's just routine. Verse 2 (clean, even drier — but voice is cracking at the edges) The other day your friend said you cried. I wanted to ask «because of me?» But I asked «so what happened?» She didn't answer. I didn't ask again. I don't care. For real. Not out of pride. I just ran out of curiosity. Like a door you've opened a hundred times — behind it is JUST THE SAME FUCKING WALL. Bridge — First Wave (screaming, full, but controlled) I TRIED TO HATE YOU!!! I REALLY FUCKING TRIED!!! THOUGHT IF I GOT ANGRY IT WOULD GET EASIER!!! (short silence) It didn't. (quieter, spoken) I don't know how to hate. (scream) I ONLY KNOW HOW TO SHUT DOWN!!! Breakdown — Second Wave (guttural, dirty, throat-ripping) SHUT DOWN!!! SHUT DOWN!!! I BROKE MYSELF!!! ON MY OWN!!! (breath — gasp) DO YOU GET IT?! I DON'T FEEL ANYTHING!!! AND IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU!!! I'M NOT CRYING FOR YOU!!! I'M CRYING BECAUSE I CAN'T CRY!!! (sudden stop — dead silence — just breathing) Mid-section (clean, broken, almost speaking) You know what scares me? Not that you'll get married. Not that I'll end up with nothing. I'm scared that a year from now I'll be sitting here. Same hoodie. Same windowsill. Looking at the same parking lot. (building again — voice shaking) And I'll still not give a — (scream cuts in before the word finishes) GIVE A FUCK!!! ABOUT EVERYTHING!!! ABOUT NOT SLEEPING!!! ABOUT FORGETTING TO EAT!!! ABOUT MYSELF!!! (quieter) About myself. Chorus 2 (mix — clean verse, screamed hook) I'm not waiting for you! (clean) I don't even remember anymore! (clean) Sometimes I just stare out the window and realize — (clean) (scream) I DON'T GIVE A FUCK!!! (clean, destroyed) Not about you. About everything. You've got nothing to do with it. You were just the last one. And now there's no one. (whispered) There's no one. (screamed, broken) THERE'S NO ONE!!! Outro — Third Wave (screaming fading into exhausted clean) I WANT TO WANT SOMETHING!!! EVEN TO CRY!!! EVEN TO BREAK A GLASS!!! EVEN TO WALK OUT AND NEVER COME BACK!!! (scream cracks — voice breaks — drops to whisper) But I just sit here. And smoke. And that's it. (long silence — 4 seconds) (spoken, dry, like confession) That shit doesn't heal. That's what pisses me off. (sound of a lighter flicking. A drag. Exhale.) (final whisper, almost inaudible) Stop the recording. (one heavy chord — feedback — cut dead)